I have no heart to put my feelings into a concrete shape,I am fearful for some reason,yet, if I don't pour my heart out,I might get choked.I could have shared my feelings/experience there and then itself,but the effect of that incident left me numb.I simply start questioning our existence on this earth.I must speak fast lest I lose courage again.

I witnessed some horrific scenes,that taught me many lessons of life,I saw the scenes of life and death simultaneously occuring together on 26/11 at Mumbai's Cama hospital.Yes,I witnessed the terrorist attack at Cama hospital and ohhh God !!!!!! I have not been able to sleep. It keeps haunting me again and again. I saw a woman in labour pains at the hospital,whose newborn was forced to go back into  the womb when she pushed him/her out.

See Im stuck again. I can't write.Its traumatic.But I realised,unless I empty myself out I won't have peace. It happened like this that I had a word with someone at the canteen of Bhatia Hospital,who told me there could be a bone bank at Cama Hospital. My husband was scheduled to be operated on 28th Nov for radiation necrosis,which infected his skull bone badly.I decided not to tell my husband,as I usually hide such inormation,which I feel will be stressful to him.I reached Cama hospital around 8.50 pm and looked for blood bank as I assumed I could ask people directions to the bone bank. I was told they had no idea,so I set to ask some more people and wandered from one block to another. Just then,I accidentally reached pre natal department and was thinking how these women are carrying another life in their wombs and how in a short while they are going to give birth to new life,to new hope and maybe to a new  great soul.... little knowing that in just a few minutes I am going to witness a nude death dance at a place where new life comes into being. I simply asked a nurse about the bone bank,to which she politely assured to help  by making a phone call to the superintendent of the hospital. I waited impatiently ( was in a hurry to go back )pacing up and down for her to finish the work and make an enquiry.Just then I heard shooting which sounded like crackers thereafter bringing in a rush of the staff and patients rushing towards the rooms announcing a terrorist attack........... Would you believe me,my first reaction was what the hell? Why people are running away from them,lets fight and face them? Not realising like a fool,they were armed and all of us were unarned,helpless. In that rush,I dont remember how and when I entered the most prohibited area,the labour room.I heard screams everywhere which gradually faded down and it was then that I realised,it was no filmy scene,it was real.We were in danger.About to lose our lives,maybe. I slowly made my way and sneaked in the adjoining area,witnessing a woman in acute labour pains.Doctors,nurses trying to sshh her. I became a statue with no life in my legs. Suddenly some almirahs etc were pushed and the door was blocked,just then, the woman mouth was covered by a nurse's hand,lest she scream and invite danger for herself and others. ......she was on the last few moments of labour, despite doctor gesturing her to take deep breaths, unsuccessful effort to make her forget the oncoming spasm........lo and behold, she gave the final push and quicker than her, the baby was pushed back in the womb  !!! A life was refused entry. ..even though by few minutes/ hours .....I felt dizzy and lost my senses. The moment  my mind regained sense It seemed I cease to exist, I was blank and I am blank. ..... can't write anymore ....... and I can't write..............I must stop now .
Written on 28.11.2008 at Bhatia Hospital, Lower Parel ,Mumbai
Spell check 29.3.17....PHEW  ,!,